NeutronsProtons.com is a literary project that focuses on satire, literary humor, wordcraft, and comics. Publishing daily online and montly in print. Idiosyncratic.
  • ‘While it is true that Mr. Adamson only got a B- on the final draft, he thinks that David Foster Wallace would have probably only gotten a B- on many of his essays if he had turned them in to the honors’ English board at Oberlin. Frankly, the stuffy and over-the-hill faculty at Oberlin don’t really “get” this kind of thing. They’re too preoccupied with obsolete and out-of-date works of literature, such as “The Iliad” and “Howl.”’ — Sophie Lucido Johnson, “Presenting the Graphic Novelization of my David Foster Wallace Thesis Paper

  • “I paused for but a moment there, suspended in the wild emotion of internal frenzy. No one but God himself can judge the way I use (or fail to use) my lemons, and I remember distinctly throwing back a glance at you that should have defined this emotion, this internalized outrage, this — not suggestion but — mental command to you to back off step down shut your dirty lemon-picking mouth. All of this should have been clear in the mere reflection of my retinas.” — NikcolWiles, Suicide Preventions

  • “I was at a barbecue talking about TV, and I recommended “The Americans.” A young father in his early 30s, a patriot with his polo shirt tucked into his belted cargo shorts, dabbed the ketchup from his hairless chin and explained that he couldn’t watch a show where the hero was a KGB spy. He preferred characters who were “relatable,” like Tony Soprano or, you guessed it, Walter White.”

  • ”It will feel like you are looking at the surface of the moon. Everything is wearing egg white and everything feels the way antiseptic does — clean but sticky. Your room will have two egg white twin beds, a double paned window, egg white linoleum floors and shower shoes. It will all smell like Herbal Essence shampoo, and this smell will follow you for the rest of your life. Try not to worry about that, either. You will have a roommate. She will be in bad shape. Every entire vein on her body will be collapsed and egg white. She will be sick at night, and you will lie in your bed and think about your shower shoes and whether or not they’ve been splattered on.” — Heather Hall, “How to Break Out of a Mental Institution”

  • new comic from our editor in chief

  • “My Bubbe turned one hundred in June 2015. She is entirely blind from her macular degeneration and has lost most of her hearing. While I do not remember a time when she didn’t have sight or hearing problems, she only recently began to lose her mind. I no longer find it funny to walk away unseen while she is in the middle of a particularly vicious rant about a family member. Two years ago, we could still debate whether the women’s liberation movement had a longterm impact on stopping sexism. The last time I saw her, she could only speak about her own memories and hallucinations.” — Rebecca Katz 


    Read the rest of her new serial comic in Neutrons/ Protons today.